Jodie H, Author at Jodie Humphries Author

Why I Think More Men Should Read Romance (Yes, Even Smut)

Romance novels, especially the smutty ones, often get seen as less than other literary genres. But this doesn’t stop romance from topping the best-selling genre lists over and over. Given this success, you’d think they’d be taken more seriously, but nope. Men are often the first to make fun of the genre. But honestly, most men could learn a thing or two from reading romance… if they were willing to take it seriously.

I’ve spent the majority of my life single. Whether it was high school, my early twenties, or now into my 30s… and yes, 40s. Now I have gone through periods where I’ve wanted to be in relationships and had some, but really, hearing about the horror stories from friends or social media about modern dating (especially dating men) really puts me off. This is why I love a good romance novel, Hallmark movie, rom-com or the emerging world of Vertical Short Dramas – much like soap operas but shorter and sometimes spicy. I fall into these fantasy worlds where the men listen to their women, prioritise them, desire them, and yes, make them come on the regular.

So, given that the genre is so popular amongst women because of how the men in them treat women, why don’t men think to dip their toe in? I mean, if you’re a straight man, shouldn’t you want to understand what women actually want in relationships? If that means checking out your wife, girlfriend, or potential partner’s favourite book boyfriend, why not give it a try?

Most men could learn a thing or two from reading romance… if they were willing to take it seriously!

Real Life vs Fantasy: What Do Book Boyfriends Do Differently?

I’m sure most men would scoff at the idea that anything written in the romance novels women love could actually apply to the real world. I mean, we’re often dealing with billionaire male leads or mafia bosses, or if you dive into romantasy, you’ll get werewolves, vampires and more. But come on, no woman expects a regular guy to make the massive, grand gestures some of these book boyfriends do. There are, however, some things these men do that men in the real world could learn from.

Communication is Key

Even the most detached mafia boss or psychopathic book boyfriend has better communication skills in their relationships than most men. My experience is limited, but the stories I’ve heard from my friends and online suggest that the biggest issue in relationships often comes down to communication. Even in my favourite romance novels or vertical shorts, I am often screaming that communication is key. However, the lack of communication is meant to add to the drama; there are still plenty of moments where couples communicate better than we often see in real life.

Emotional Awareness For The Win

Women are often called the more emotional sex or gender. Still, that emotionality also comes with the ability to recognise emotions in others and to respond appropriately. Men may struggle with this because society tells them showing emotions is not “manly”, but that can often lead to bad relationships. If you ignore your own emotions enough, you’ll struggle to recognise them in others, which is integral to being a good partner. We want someone who notices when we’re not quite ourselves and responds empathetically rather than ignoring or dismissing us.

They Put in Effort

Again, we’re not expecting grand gestures as we read in the books. We want the small things. We want flowers brought home because you know we like them, and you were thinking of us. Actions that match your words, not promises you break because “something came up”. And consistency, so we don’t have to second-guess you every time you do something. If you’ve never given us flowers and suddenly do, we’re going to question why. If you consistently message us from work but suddenly go silent, we’ll start to question why. We’re not looking for you to pour money into us; we just want you to show up and show us that we’re a priority, no matter what.

Desire Centres the Woman

A gap of 30% between men who orgasm during sex and women.

Desire and sexual pleasure are where book boyfriends really shine. Although this may be more prominent in spicy or smutty romances, it can be found in all romances to some extent. But I want to focus on the spicier side, ’cause that’s where real-life men can really learn from book boyfriends.

The orgasm gap is real, with one study of 50,000 people showing a gap of 30% between men who orgasm during sex and women. Now I do believe we as women need to take some of the blame because we fake it, but also, men don’t get taught to care about women’s pleasure. I’ve read more spicy scenes of men enjoying cunnilingus than I know of women who’ve experienced it.

Men are more than happy to ask for blow jobs but raise their noses at offering oral to women. But the reality is, we need more than penetration to orgasm, and that’s something many women are only just starting to talk about openly. The book boyfriends we love to read about know that. I mean, some of the darkest, most psychotic men who lack empathy in many areas of their lives are more than willing to go down on a woman and make her come. So why wouldn’t women fall in love if the man is willing to make her feel desired and give her pleasure – even if it’s all fiction and fantasy? Men could learn from these fictional men.

It Doesn’t Have to Be Big to Matter

This isn’t about effort alone; it’s about the intention behind that effort.

The reality of romance books is that what they really show is healthy relationship behaviours, just with a bit more drama. Small gestures that show how you care about your partner and are thinking of them. Remembering small details like their favourite things, special moments in their lives, or your relationship. And most of all, just showing up and prioritising them. Yes, we all have our own lives, but if you want a strong, healthy relationship, you need to make your partner a priority.

Romance novels may showcase these things through big, grand gestures like buying the company she works for to help protect her career or killing her enemies. But in real life, these things can be applied to what we, normal people, can actually do to show love.

Why Women Are Drawn to Romance Novels

Women aren’t just reading for romance. They’re reading for how it feels to be treated.

Look, I don’t want to make a sweeping statement that all women who love romance novels read them because their real-life relationships are lacking anything. I can’t know this, and honestly, given how popular romance is as a genre, this can’t possibly be the case. But there is something to be said about the decline in women seeking out relationships and the continuing success of romance novels – including the spicy ones.

Women are drawn to this genre because it carries on the fairy tales we grew up with. The Cinderella moments where Prince Charming comes to sweep her off her feet. For some women, this may be because they’re lacking some of the things they find in these stories, being seen, heard, valued and understood. For others, it might just be an escape to an alternate universe where the grand gestures of billionaires or the possessiveness of that mob boss are nice in theory, but in reality, they love their partner and their life.

What I will say is that women are finding emotional connection in romance books, while men and young boys are being drawn into an internet culture that says women’s only worth is as an object, which feels like the complete opposite. So maybe instead of men seeking out other men to help them better understand what women actually want in relationships, they should seek out the books that give women what they want – ROMANCE NOVELS. I mean, who would you trust to help you get a girl – a man who spends all his time with other men or the books that women are already obsessed with?

At the core of it, women aren’t just reading for romance. They’re reading for how it feels to be treated.

This Isn’t About Fantasy, It’s About Standards

Women are often more aware of what’s actually happening in romance than men are. But yet we’ll get accused of expecting too much when all we want is to be loved as people.

The “Unrealistic Expectations” Argument

I was just scrolling Instagram and saw a reel with on-screen text that read “Romance novels set unrealistic expectations for women about relationships” the text moved on to say “Yes cause my book boyfriends never logged onto a rape school”. The second part of that was in reference to a CNN investigation that found a website teaching men to drug and rape their partners was visited by millions of men a month. Romance novels aren’t where unrealistic expectations sit. They often just feature men who have surpassed a bar that real men fail even to try to reach.

The Reality Women Are Living In

Women around the world aren’t surprised by the rhetoric found in the manosphere, and they’re not even surprised by cases like Gisele Pelicot or the CNN investigation. The bar is literally in hell for men and women have dealt with this for their whole lives. They’re told not to leave their drinks unattended at bars, not to walk home alone at night, and to protect themselves. But men continue to say “not all men” or blame women for their loneliness or act like we’re overreacting and expecting too much when all we’re asking for is to be treated as human beings.

Every day, there’s a new story of a woman going on a date and being attacked or demeaned, or a wife being killed by her husband. The men in romance novels, even the darkest ones, may kill without remorse, but they’ll also burn the world down if anyone even looks at their partner – this is the gap between book boyfriends and reality. And we’re not expecting men to burn the world down, but we just want them not to burn us.

We’re not expecting men to burn the world down, but we just want them not to burn us.

When the “Bare Minimum” Becomes Aspirational

I remember when Sabrina Carpenter’s song Tears was released, people online felt the lyrics were setting women and girls up to accept less than they deserve from men. With lyrics like:

“I get wet at the thought of you
Being a responsible guy
Treating me like you’re supposed to do
Tears run down my thighs”

Or:

“A little respect for women can get you very, very far
Remembering how to use your phone gets me
Oh so, oh so, oh so hot
Considering I have feelings I’m like, why are my clothes still on?
Offering to do anything I’m like (oh my God)”

Many people felt that, given Sabrina’s audience, she shouldn’t be pushing these ideas of minimum standards of acceptance onto women. But the reality is we live in a world where what she’s describing is so rare that it can be sung about like it should be the accepted standard.

We see videos of men fake punching women who say no to sex, husbands who wash the dishes with the hopes that one piece of housework will allow them to get sex. A world where, in February 2026, 62 million men logged onto a website to either watch women being raped by their partner or learn how to do it themselves. Singing a funny little song about how low the bar is for men isn’t the sin many seemed to think Sabrina committed; the fact that women can’t even get this bare minimum is.

Why Women Turn to Romance

Romance novels may set unrealistic expectations, but at least the women in those books are viewed as people. Are prioritised. They are accepted as who they are, warts and all. They are loved. And they are protected by the men they partner with, not assaulted. When we have young men looking to the manosphere to learn about women and being told women aren’t worth anything, of course, the women are going to look for solace with men who believe that women have worth beyond their bodies or what they can do for men.

At least the women in those books are viewed as people.

What Men Could Actually Take From This

I’m not saying men need to suddenly transform into billionaire businessmen, hockey superstars, or mafia dons to win women over like the men in these books do. But taking some time to read some of these stories and seeing how the women are appreciated, loved and looked after even by the most psychopathic or selfish men could help you build a healthier relationship with your partner. At a minimum, it would give you something to chat about. Men love it when women like their favourite sport, comic book or fantasy series, but how often do men ever delve into something like a romance novel or other female-dominated interests? Perhaps if more men did, they wouldn’t be so lonely.

I will say that if you’re a man looking to dip your toes into romance novels to see why women love them so much, I’d suggest you start with some lighthearted fun ones… because there are some dark ones we might like to read but wouldn’t want to date.

If you’re a man reading this, I’m curious. Would you ever pick up a romance novel?
And if you’re not, what’s stopping you?

A great exploration of teen girls’ friendships in the modern age

by Jodie H | 06/03/24 | Books, Reviews

Selfie by Allayne L. Webster

This is another book I picked up as a pseudo-research for Fandom. I wanted to understand how modern authors incorporate social media into their narratives and use them in their stories. After starting to read Selfie by Allanyne L. Webster, I was pleased to find out that the author is Australian because I love supporting Aussie authors. I’m unsure if that connection (being an Aussie reading an Aussie author) helped or hindered my ability to engage with the characters—I live in NSW, not SA, so that could be part of it. The back cover reads:

Dene Walker picked me to be her best friend. She had the whole Tonsley High’s year eight to choose from – and she chose me.
Me!
Tully can’t believe her luck. Dene is famous. Everyone loves her. She has thousands of followers online and hundreds of sponsorship deals. Being best friends with Dene Walker is a dream come true.
Tully is soon hardly aware that her long-time bestie, Kira, exists, as she shapes her own interests and cares to be worthy of Dene’s attention.
But she’s not prepared for the heartache and confusion when Dene’s friendship is not all she imagined it to be.
Allayne L. Webster

It took me a little while to get into the story for this book. It feels like it begins in the middle, in a way. It doesn’t because it starts at the beginning of Tully and Dene’s friendship, but I guess the lack of background about Dene is a bit jarring. We do get some great exposition of Tully’s history. That is handled well, with hints at different things throughout. But it’s not fully fleshed out until Tully has also worked through many of her emotions about these things.

I love the exploration of female friendships in this book, especially teen girls. Obviously, Dene’s status as an Instagram influencer is very different from most teen girls. Still, there is always the most popular girl in school. Seeing the dynamics between Tully and Dene and how Tully reacts to Maddy entering the picture or how the dynamics between Tully and Kira change depending on what Dene is doing. All of the different dynamics reminded me very much of life as a teen girl navigating through changing friendships and the emotions that come with that. The way your world is lost if you’re fighting with your best friend or they’re not talking to you – such teen girl angst.

It was interesting that you’re not always in Tully’s corner because of how she treats people around her. Even having that first-person perspective where you know her inner monologue doesn’t make you want to be on her side. But again, this is very apt for teen girl emotions, especially given Tully’s family situation. Eventually, we see Tully get redemption, but the bumps along the way are a bit of a roller coaster of liking and not really liking her. It’s interesting to have a main character not be 100% likable from the drop but also not completely unlikable – but it’s also very accurate with the real world.

I loved discovering the other members of Tully’s family and their dynamics dealing with multiple things that have caused them upheaval. Her dynamics with her brother reminds me of me and my brothers, from teasing to backing each other up when we need it.

Now, I couldn’t quite tell the time period this was supposed to be set in. This could be purposefully obtuse, but it stood out a little to me because some of the language used didn’t seem to fit the modern teen voice. This is obviously my opinion and from my perspective, and there is also the regionality of it. I know Australian slang does differ depending on where you live, but I’ve never heard someone use the word “charcoal” to say “burnt” or “burn” in any slang sort of way. The voices of the teens seemed more like those of older people trying to sound like what they think a modern teen sounds like or like a teen from the 90s. But as I said, it could be a regional thing, and teens could use some of the language in this book. And I don’t claim to have this teen voice perfected – it can be challenging for adults to nail.

I also would have liked to explore the parasocial relationship more before Tully and Dene met. Still, the parasocial relationship is done well. The way Tully felt she knew Dene and how hurt she was by her not posting about them because Dene saw posts as work but their friendship as something real. It was well represented, and the way Tully obsessed over Dene’s every interaction or action was also a very well-depicted factor for teens in the social media age. With update accounts online that share when people like posts, follow people and post, it’s easy to become so deeply obsessed with all these small interactions.

Another section of the back cover blurb includes:

Selfie is an engaging exploration of social media and the trickiness of separating what’s real from the glossiness of the online world. It’s a tender story about friendship and staying true to yourself.

The other thing I would have liked to see was what exactly was said about Tully after the big fight? There are hints of rumours swirling around about Tully when she’s in the depth of her despair through comments from her brother and Kira, but we’re never explicitly told. Did Tully know what was said? From my experience, online people would have been sending her DMs and attacking her. Complete strangers would have attacked Tully, especially if the rumours were around Dene. This, again, is a representation of parasocial relationships. People feel they need to defend these online influencers or celebrities. I think it would have also added to the emotional turmoil Tully was going through at the time – but maybe it would have taken it to a too-dark place.

I did enjoy the book. It was a good young adult novel dealing with some very important themes for all young adults, and that never really go away but just change in how they’re done. Teens always have their whole world revolve around such a small space that what could be seen as small things (as indicated by Tully’s dad’s reaction to the Dene fight) are massive to them. Allayne L. Webster handles the balance of online and offline life well and how parasocial relationships can lead to a level of obsession. It represented a lot of what teens have to deal with well, but there was room to explore some of the themes more. I also love how it ended with everyone happy and having a healthier relationship with social media. It’s worth the read and definitely worth teen girls to read and try and ward them off going down the parasocial obsessive rabbit hole.

A fantastic journey through a teenager’s darkest times, but it retains hope.

by Jodie H | 04/03/24 | Books, Reviews

Solitaire by Alice Oseman

I picked up Solitaire by Alice Oseman as research for writing my own YA novel, Fandom, which deals with the online world. The back cover reads:

My name is Tori Spring. I like to sleep and I like to blog. Last year I had friends. Things were very different, I guess, but that’s all over now.
Now there’s Solitaire. And Michael Holden.
I don’t know what Solitaire are trying to do. And I don’t care about Michael Holden. I really don’t.
Solitaire by Alice Oseman

The simple mention of blogging and a skim of the book’s contents were enough to encourage me to buy it to see how the modern world is narratively and stylistically incorporated into the book. I didn’t realise (despite the author’s name, the main character’s name and the feature of a book called Nick & Charlie on the back cover) that this book was in the Heartstopper world – I had watched the Netflix show and loved it. I also had purchased the first graphic novel to read but hadn’t gotten to it. It wasn’t until I began reading and recognised things like the school name Higgs that I started to twig the connection between Solitaire and Heartsopper. I looked it up and found out this book is set after Heartstopper Book 5 (which hadn’t been released yet but is out now). I didn’t mind the spoilers because I’d watched the show before reading any of the books anyway – but knowing this made me love this book more.

What I loved about Solitaire after discovering it’s about Charlie from Heartstopper’s sister Tori was that it gave us so much more character information and development for Tori. I loved Tori in the show and would’ve loved to see more of her. Still, I understand the focus is on Nick and Charlie’s story, so I really loved getting that extra dose of Tori in Solitaire.

Solitaire’s central theme is Tori’s battle with teen angst that is compounded by a mental health breakdown of sorts and being sort of taunted by this elusive Solitaire figure. The novel builds her character as a very dark and gloomy character who looks at the world through a greyed lens. But she’s never unlikeable – or at least I never found her unlikeable – her darkness and gloominess aren’t ever to the point that you just want to slap her and tell her life is better. You empathise with her. You can also sense something else going on. We all know the feelings of otherness as a teen, which is the core of Tori’s darkness. She’s different, so she others herself so that she doesn’t have to pretend to be anyone else.

The journey you go on with Tori has you, as the reader, always barracking for her. You don’t want her to change. You just want her to succeed in what she’s doing. Whether that’s discovering what or who Solitaire is or just getting through school.

You also get some extra insight into some of Heartstopper’s main characters, with Nick and Charlie popping up at different points…and another one I won’t spoil. I like the extra insight into the Spring family and its dynamics. Especially how they deal with the difficult things they’ve been through and are going through.

I loved this book so much that I instantly jumped into reading all the Heartstopper books. I also bought the boxed set of Alice Oseman’s other books. So now I have Radio Silence, I Was Born For This, Loveless, Nick & Charlie and This Winter ready to read when I want.

Oseman nails the voice of her characters and engages the reader with well-thought-out character development and vivid descriptions of the setting. The stories she weaves are relatable to teens and those who have been teens. She weaved modern technology into the story of Solitaire well without doing it in a way that would age the book too much when technology moves on. Solitaire was, in fact, Alice’s first novel written when she was a teen herself, which explains why she can nail the teen voice and world so well. But it also doesn’t read like some youthful story only for those of that age group. The themes of friendship, finding yourself, and mental health are themes that many people can relate to, no matter their age.

If you’re looking for an easy read that’s enjoyable and engaging but also deals with some very real topics, Solitaire is for you.